


Quietly

by creativwritingmind



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: F/M, Family Feels, Hiatus, Sad with a Happy Ending, Self-Doubt, Trench Era
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-11
Updated: 2019-01-11
Packaged: 2019-10-08 05:30:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,338
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17380505
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/creativwritingmind/pseuds/creativwritingmind





	Quietly

The sun provided a deviant bright day, warming up the nature slowly, albeit the birds had been up from the first ray, yelling their symphony across the lawns and fluttering from tree to tree in hasty business. Soft dew covered the grass in the backyard, it soaked her socks when Jenna stepped out on it, but the blond didn't care. It was early for the kind of life she led, too early by any means, it had taken Tyler until four in the morning to emerge from the basement, munch on the cupcakes she had made and then hesitantly taking a shower after she told him he'd not sleep in their bed if he didn't. It had been more a tease then a real warning, but her husband had gotten the message. Sometimes it felt like scolding a teenager, but Jenna was ok with it, it was they way things worked with Tyler and honestly...he could have been way more complicated, had been back then when she met him. A lot of people constantly told her she changed him for the better, and Jenna was completely aware of that. It had been her purpose, over the past years, to do everything to make him better, happy, joyfull even. It had worked, it seemed, Tyler had stopped to go to therapy because he stated to feel "absolutely stable" since they were married, since she was around all the time. 

Tapping further into her garden, a cup of tea in her hand, Jenna passed by the flowers she had planted in spring, when they had moved there, a colorful stripe of floral, swarmed by bees and other insects, giving humming noises to underline the birds in a way. Reaching the back of the yard, piloting towards an old trunk that lay there, the blonde finally sat down, tugging her wet socks under her feet, not caring that they soaked her yoga pants too. She didn't really feel it anyway. The morning wasn't cold by all means, still Jenna shivered, as she sat there, tea in hand, and starred blankly into her surroundings. She hadn't been here for a while, too busy she had been to wash all the laundry they had brought from tour, to catch up on the household, to comfort Tyler while he went into an episode of maniac creating, but when she had woken up that day, she had felt the urge to flee the house, get outside of those walls, that were so spacious but seemed to be so suffocating right then. Leaving her husband snoring in bed she had came out here then, to calm herself, fathom the strange feeling she had woken up with, but it seemed the brightness and vigor of the brand new summer day darkened her mood even more. 

Annoyed Jenna brushed the hair off her front and sighed. This wasn't like it should have been. She should have been happy, content right now, being home, living a good life. Still...over watching her husband improve the past months a nagging thought, an unpleasant feeling had slowly taken a hold of her, but in between the noise of concerts, the grind of touring, Jenna always had been able to fade it out. Always busy, always moving she had ignored the way her soul fell silent, every day a little more, how her smiles got fitted, her laughter shallow. She had wished that, once they were home, she'd just could shake it off, enjoy the silence of a normal life, but it had hit her hard, harder then it should have. Of course she got way more of him, now they were here, in their own world, Tyler shutting out everyone else completley. But what had came with it was the feeling of being useless. Her days had become a rewinding dèjà-vu, getting up late in the day, providing a breakfast, receiving a kiss before Tyler vanished in the basement and then spending hours and hours in silence before he came back to her again, mostly too exhausted to do anything but eat and sleep by then. 

Jenna felt bad for being so ungrateful, but the circle he had created for their daily life was starting to wear her down. So it came, that in the middle of her beautiful backyard, surrounded by light and life, her heart sunk even more and a silent tear made it's way down her cheek, another one following. Whipping them off quickly the blonde scolded herself for crying. This was ridiculous. She should have been happy. She was married to the man of her dreams, living the life of a rockstars' wife, owning a big beautiful house, financially stable. But in all this, in his success, his evolution and his healing, she felt like lost, like an item of older days, that stuck around, not needed anymore, but pleasant to look at. It was unfair to think that way, Jenna told herself. Tyler adored her, and he let her feel it, whenever he took time out of his day to surprise her, come to her earlier, took her up to their bedroom to worship her body, relishing in their closeness. But the blond felt like having lost her place in time, like their relationship had changed, and she was reduced to provide nothing more then the substantial things of life right now. There had been a lump in her throat, when they had met up with Maddy and Tatum the day before, visiting the kids, playing with the babies. Against her normal reactions she had held back, had avowed she was feeling like getting a cold, had avoided to take one of the babies this way. Instead she had sat at the table, had listened to the girls exchanging educating tips and watched Tyler and Zack playing with the littles. After a while she had have to excuse herself, went into the bathroom and cried. Too hard it had been to watch her husband, smiling wildly at his niece, displaying his friendliest, funniest features for her, his eyes lightning up whenever the little started to squeak and laugh. It had driven a thorn into Jennas heart, and she hadn't been able to pull it out yet.

They had sat down and talked about it, back then, before they got married. Tyler had told her that he perfectly knew it was a lot to ask of her, that he'd understand if she didn't want to marry him because of that, but he just couldn't promise her a family, not at that time. They both wanted kids, he had been very clear about that, but with his fame setting off he felt like it wasn't the right time, like he'd be too busy to be around, too caught up to really enjoy being a father. Young, full of love and naivety Jenna had told him then she didn't mind at all, not even if they never got kids, she'd be happy with what she had. Her words felt like an betrayal right now, when she was sitting there, crying silently, not trying to stop it anymore. The blonde felt empty, drained, lost of direction. She was looking towards a year of compartmentalization, of being careful when she went out, of declining requests and shadowing her answers when people asked how the progress on the album went. She honestly hadn't thought it would be so hard to be his wife, a thought that made her cry even more, and made her angry at the same time.God had thrown so many blessings her way and still she was asking for more, it made her feel greedy and like the worst person on earth, but she just couldn't stop the downward spiral, now it had started to twist in her head. 

Constructing a future in her head Jenna saw herself touring alongside him, years and years and years, until the hype would subside, the band would have a comfortable stance in the industry by then. She saw herself getting older slowly, her friends and relatives getting a big lead on her, founding families, watching their childs grow. She saw herself following him down to the studio, cornering him in, confronting him about her needs. In her mind Tyler didn't even take his eyes off the computer, waved her off, told her it "is not the right time.", that there was so much to be done, to be created still. In this vision Jenna rose, left him alone, went to her kitchen and cooked, like the good wife she had to be, mixing her tears into to dough she made. A harsh sob escaped her and she buried her head in her hands, let the sadness taking her over, the act of crying jerking her thin body, shooing some birds away by the loud, desperate whimpers she gave. Jenna was too caught up to recognize the soft footsteps coming closer, so she flinched hard when an arm was draped across her shoulder, when she was pulled close, into a chest, his familiar scent surrounding her in an instant. Tyler didn't ask then. He didn't coax her to stop crying or tell him what was wrong. Pulling her closer he was just there, burying his nose into her hair, stroking her arm softly. Although it should have been soothing it upset her even more, and pushing him back Jenna stood up, whipped her face with both hands and sniffed. His voice was quiet, nearly drawn out by the nature around them, the gentle "Jen....come here..." making her cry even more. She didn't want him to comfort her, she didn't feel like she'd deserve it. There she was, living a dream life with her beautiful, amazing husband and still she was acting like she'd go through hell. Like so often she was weak against his power though, when he reached out for her hand, tugged on it, until she gave in and stepped back to him, let him pull her on his lap, her face hidden in his neck, wetting his shoulder. Tender fingertips sneaking under her shirt, dancing up and down her spine they stayed like this for a while, until her sobs subsided a bit, her racing thoughts calmed. Tyler hummed in her ear, a new song she supposed, she didn't recognize the melody, but together with the constant beat of his heart under her palm it was soothing, created a space of security so easily, out of nothing. 

Jenna didn't want to move then. She wanted to stop time, right where they were, close, connected, far away from all those thoughts and all the life around them, and he didn't push her to. Instead he placed a kiss on her temple, closing his arms even harder around her, and sighed. There was no need to whisper still Tyler did, it just felt right to keep this quiet. "I've seen you stealing yourself away yesterday, you know?" he stated, his heart hurting on the way she shivered on that. "I know you've been crying. And I think I know what it was about." Hiding herself deeper into him, her lips placed on his puls, Jenna was lost of words, drowned in anxiety then. The least she had wanted was for him to recognize, and of course it had happened. Tyler wasn't one to tackle things like that right away, he sat in his corner, observing, taking notes, and so it came often that by the time they did talk about problems, he already had figured her out. "Zack saw it too." he continued, and Jenna felt hear rising up her cheeks, shame clenching her chest. This was even worse, the picture she had given to his family, the impression that something in between them was wrong. Wanting to apologize she found him hush her though, softly, tilting his head and placing it on hers, while he closed his eyes and started to play with her fingers. "He talked a lot to me then. About how sometimes, there's no right or wrong time. Sometimes there's only time, and it's so fragile. We all don't know how much we'll be granted to spent." Pushing her nose behind his ear Jenna stayed silent, listened closely. Tyler always chose his words carefully, he selected them with great thought, and she loved to pay attention. "I've neglected your dreams far too long to fulfill mine." "Tyler..." she spoke up then, wanting to stop him. It wasn't right he voiced guilt, when it was her being guilty of ingratitude. "No, love, don't turn this on you, ok? I'm serious. I shouldn't have asked you to wait. I know you and Maddy and Tatum...you all spoke so often of getting kids at the same time. Of sharing the joys of motherhood. I know you feel left out. And it's about time we stop that feeling. It's about time we start to work on OUR dream." Pulling back now she looked at him with wide eyes, scarred and delighted at the same time, found him smiling at her with a joyful twinkle in his eyes. "But you'll be on tour..." "I can take you guys with me." "But...it would be too little for that in the beginning." "I'll be flying back and forth, it's not really a big drama. And we planned more breaks this time anyway." "I don't want to be alone..." "You won't be. I can always skip concert dates, they will understand in that case. They love you nearly as much as I do. And even if I'm away for a few days...there will be our brothers and sisters and their wives and husbands. There will be my mum and yours, and our dads, our grandmothers. There will be your friends, and mine." Tears were mixing when lips met then. The birds had calmed down around them, as the sun had crawled higher in the sky. The morning slowly melted into the forenoon when they kissed, welcoming a new era quietly.


End file.
